The Club

Love this. So true. Every word. Every moment.

A Glimpse Inside

The infertile is an outsider to a very important club.  The mommy club.  We’re like little children standing outside the toy store window — always on the outside looking in.  So desperately wanting in.  I can’t count how many times I was asked “do you have kids” and when I answered “no”, it was like I was immediately disqualified because I couldn’t possibly understand if I didn’t have kids.  It was like a kick to the gut every time.

One of my biggest peeves is when clients would do it.  Not necessarily to me (although sometimes), but towards their F&CS workers.  “Blah, blah, blah… stupid worker doesn’t even have kids, what does she know?”  Yeah, because if F&CS is at your door, you’re obviously doing a bang up job.

The first time I realized I was part of the club was right after Christmas.  Max was almost one month old…

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Why My Wife’s Job Is Harder Than Mine

Best ever


I work at a large, top-200 law firm in one of the ten most populous cities in the country. The hours can be grueling, there are constant deadlines, and the work is mentally demanding.  Any partner in my particular practice area can assign me work, which means I have more than 30 potential bosses.  At any given time, I am working on projects for three to five partners, all of whom believe that their assignment should take priority over any other work.  As a result, there have been many long days (and long nights).

Moreover, being a lawyer at a large firm is a high-stress endeavor.  Even small mistakes can have significant implications and, as a result, tensions can run high.  And of course, because excellence is expected, partners are unlikely to give much positive feedback for a job well done; instead, the reward for good work is more work.


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Meet Ella Bella!!!

20130828-053746.jpg One of my fav pics!

20130828-053846.jpgmy niece holding Ella for the 1st time!! Another fav moment!!!


<a Going home!href=””&gt;20130828-054101.jpgHer 1st car ride!

<img src="" alt="20130828-054426.jpg"Her 1st footprints

class=”alignnone size-full” />

20130828-054546.jpgHer 1st photoshoot!

20130828-054816.jpgSoko and Ella before he passed away. heartbreaking! Best friends!

20130828-054924.jpgElla’s 1st bath!

20130828-055234.jpgElla relaxing!!

20130828-055338.jpgElla smiling!

20130828-055520.jpgElla’s 1st pool day!

20130828-055635.jpgElla telling momma “no more pictures!”

20130828-055830.jpgElla’s getting big!!

Our Miracle has ARRIVED!!!!!


Baby Ella Blakeley
Boudo. Even miracles take a little time. -Fairy Godmother

Our little princess arrived July 25th 2013 at 8:16 am. She was 20 inches in length and 7 lbs and 7 ounces!!! I could NEVER imagine the LOVE I felt the moment I laid eyes on our little girl. She is absolute perfection. This journey through infertility was worth every second. Every needle, every tear, every sacrifice because it brought us to her. Our dream came true that very second we heard her whimper!!!!

I started contractions on Tuesday (23rd) evening at 9 pm. They were 5-10 minutes apart. I wanted to stay home as long as possible so I stayed by the timer and dealt with the pain. I have never felt this type of. pain in my entire life. It was far worse than than the medical miscarriage and I thought that was bad. I tried breathing and all I learned in my prenatal yoga class but nothing seemed to work. I couldn’t take the pain anymore so we ended up going to the hospital at 12 o’clock the next day. I had a resident check to see if my plug was gone and she measured how much I was dilated. My first mistake was having a 1st YEAR resident do this! I guess July is a bad month for newbie doctors. She measured 5 cm’s and the nurse was ready to stick an IV in my arm and prepare me for labor… DIDNT HAPPEN!?!!! Next thing I know another resident is checking me to see how far I was dilated.. She said 2cm??S WTH???? I was 3 cm last week??? HOW CAN THIS BE????? I was 100% effaced.. They told me to go home and said I am sure you will be back by the end of the night…. Well they were RIGHT! We got home after 3 pm.. BTW I was having contractions at that point 2-3 mins APART!?!? Why they sent me home to begin with is a mystery! By 9 pm I felt I was going to die telling my husband I would never have another child again. He put me in the bath and I lost my plug! Started feeling nauseas and threw up a few times so I had enough of being “bad ass”. I just needed some drugs! We called the doctor and told them we were going to the hospital. Got there by 10:15pm and they immediately started blood work to prepare me for my epidural.

My husband and one of my best friends came to the hospital to be with us. I was so thankful for that epidural and both of them by my side. IT WAS HEAVEN!!!!! I didn’t even feel the needle go in.. just bliss!!!!! My horrific contractions became tolerable pings. I started to feel good about my labor and how bad ass I was. By midnight I was feeling good and had a fantastic nurse who was super sweet and attentive.




After the epidural! Heaven!!!


Buf & Hubs- my support system!

IMG_6237 IMG_6300 IMG_6414 IMG_6418

We had a few scares during labor… My daughters heart went flat a few times and they wanted me to push earlier than expected without a real doctor in the room. They moved me from side to side and that helped jump start her heart. I was given pitocin and it started to slow down my contractions a bit. At 6:30 am my doctor arrived and I couldn’t have been happier. He knows the right things to say and lightened up the room. He asked me if I was ready and I said yes. At 7:15 he came back in and thats when I started to push. It took 1hr.. my daughter turned sunny side up while I was pushing which was not what we wanted. First time moms rarely are able to push their children out without forceps or they just end up doing a c-section. I refused and said I could do it… and I did just that!!! I was so scared he was going to have to do an emergency c-secton I gave it all I had. When I pushed for the last time I felt the pressure and saw my daughter blue. She had the cord wrapped around her neck. The doctor cut it immediately then Pete cut it again. The PA’s rushed in and my mind went wild. Her first ap-gar test she scored a 4 but 5 minutes later a 9. They c-papped her and then we heard her first whimper. Music to our ears! She was the most beautiful site I ever saw. I was enamored by her.

That moment you meet your daughter for the first time was one I will never forget. I am so happy Buf was able to capture those moments with her on video. She is the best thing that has ever happened to our family. Seeing my husband well up with tears was priceless and I fell in love with him even more that very moment. Life was perfect-better than I could ever imagine…… Can you believe this was Ella when we started IVF? 20121128-093112.jpgIMG_262120130104-190344.jpg20130408-071248.jpgIMG_2621

After all we have been through we BEAT infertility!!!!! We have 6 more on ice and within the next year we will make sure we start the journey again so that Ella has a baby brother or sister! Life is finally good!!! If you are still going through the IF journey please don’t give up on your dream. We didn’t and we have this perfect little girl who lights up our lives!!!!

I decided I will start a new blog… I have closed one chapter of my life and have become a momma…there is no more wishfulbabybump and for that I am forever grateful. We conquered our worst nightmare. We pushed through and persevered. My new blog will be dedicated to our miracle.. ELLA and all the new mommy experiences. I will document her first 7 days and all we went through.

This journey was not easy but the reward was something I couldn’t imagine. I think back to so many memories over the past few years and holding this little peanut in my arms gives me all the satisfaction and love I could ever need!

On July 25th 2013 our miracle arrived and brought the biggest joy to our life. One of my friends had her twins the same exact day. God is good…


Ella’s mom

T- Minus 2 Days till Baby Ella Arrives!


Perfect little face!


She is opening her mouth!



I haven’t been able to post since WordPress has been acting up on my iPhone so I am trying this out on my MAC..  

 So much to catch up on since the beginning of my Third Trimester!!!  I will be holding my daughter in the next two days! I am extremely excited! Words can’t express how I feel.   So much has happened in the past few months.  My shower was a success and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.  My sister, MIL, and friends did such an amazing job.   So many people came to show their love and support from CT,  NH, Mass, NY, and NJ.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude.  I will post some pics of the event.   My grama attended and then passed away 3 days later.   I am so happy she was able to share in such a special day.   She rubbed my belly and smiled.   That was priceless!

On July 4th I had false labor.  That was not pleasant.  It lasted a good 2 hrs and was not pretty. Since then I have had lots of back labor pains, gigantic cankels, and bad sciatica.  I am forever grateful  for this little miracle growing in my belly.  

Infertility is never far from my mind.  A few of my Mafia IVFers are still going through their heartbreak and I know they would endure anything just to be pregnant.  Life isn’t fair.. but it is a beautiful struggle.  I am blessed with an abundance of love and support.  I truly have the most wonderful friends and family.  Our secret  network of strong momma’s and momma to be’s warms my heart with admiration and love.  They have given me hope and drive to be a better person.   They listen to my craziness when it isn’t possible to talk to anyone else.

 I am ready as I will ever be.  Today would be our angels 1st Birthday.  I know our angel is watching over us and our little princess.  I saw the doctor last week and I was already 3cm and 90% effaced.  If Ella doesn’t come by Thursday I will be induced at 8am!!!  I have been having pressure, small contractions, back labor pain but it never progresses.  Maybe tonight it the night!???   One of my besties is being induced tomorrow and I am OVERJOYED that our babies will be either born on the same day or one day apart!  She is having twinkies! We have been through so much together and it just excites me!  


 I have tried everything to get this girl ready for her big debut.. acupuncture, Prenatal Yoga and LOTS of Squats, Sex, Eggplant, Indian Food.. Yup tried it all.  She is hanging on and loves staying comfy in Momma…. She is getting all dolled up…  

Her room is almost complete! Her PB Rocker came in and I love it!

Updated pics…imageElla's SHOE LOVE!!


My first baby- Soko has been very sick and I hope he hangs on to meet her..  We have done all the tests and spent over 7K to save him but now I am losing hope.  I have had the two boys for the past 13 years and they are my loves….  We continue to give him steroids, B12 shots, Pepcid AC and hope this will kick start his eating. He has lost over 10lbs in the past year.   


3rd Trimester!!!!!


The bump grows….


I have been absolutely terrible at writing in my blog!!! For some reason my passwords wouldn’t work and it wasn’t letting me sign in so instead of figuring out I just gave up!!! So much has happened in the past few months but my brain has been one big pregnancy blob and I can’t even remember my own name sometimes. I will do a quick recap…..

I can’t believe I am in the 3rd TRIMESTER! I would jump up and down but my belly is just too big and then I might pee myself. Which happens more often than I would like at this stage. It’s such a miracle that she us growing in my belly and I am thankful everyday to be blessed after such a long struggle with infertility. I will never be one of those moms who forgets the blood sweat and tears. I call it my warrior marks that might be invisible to some but not my IF girls. We are a PACK and have never gone an entire day not checking in with each other. It AMAZES me how we were a group of 11 and now 17. Powerful warriors who are mommas and mommas to be. I am never giving up on hope for any of them! Anyway sorry to blab….

Husbands clinic closed.. Yup that’s right he walked into work and they closed the doors. Luckily he is a great PT and can work per diem or I would be freaking out! A few weeks ago he ended up getting taken by ambulance to the hospital for heart issues. 2 days in the hospital and they found notta! A lot to take in for anyone but throw in the 3rd trimester and then you get a whole lot of crazy emotions and crying fits! Work has been super stressful with very long hours. Counting the days until I am holding my lil girl. In other news we had our maternity photo shoot and loved the pics!!!!



20130604-054124.jpg Just a few I love! Jen Mirock did a fabulous job on my pics!!!
In other news….
She kicks me a lot. Feet are swollen piggies and I think I am starting to get Braxton Hicks. Fun is!!! Insomnia is kicking back in… I get to see her Friday and I can’t wait!!!!! I can’t get enough of Sweet Frog!!! If you don’t know what it is its frozen ice cream and the motto is fully rely on god. Go figure!

Must try to get a few more zzzzz’s in before I have to get up and go to work! I tell myself less than 55 days!!!